She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He kissed a someone with a penis
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
