what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
