I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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