So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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