if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
