We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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