i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
