My nipple is on Facebook.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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