When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
