I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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