why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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