who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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