it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
