Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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