I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
