K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
