sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
