These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
