dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Randomize
