i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
