i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We have started to decorate penises.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
