My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
