Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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