I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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