Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have tasted many bathrooms
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
