that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
