Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
