I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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