and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Mom said you looked used
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
