I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
