Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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