I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
