ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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