The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
