So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
