Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Randomize
