I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
