i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
