Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
