no. you can't hotbox the world.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
