Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
