so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
