is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
