Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
