Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
