I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
