Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
