Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
