I wish life had little blips of pornography
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
