I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
