I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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