so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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